A Counseling and Opinion Blog

Posts tagged ‘Jealousy’

The suspicious mind Part I

by

Dr. Lee Outlaw

The Suspicious Mind

Suspicion

Are you suspicious?

Chances are if you’re like most people, you have your own unique set of suspicions.

It might be about a politician, a friend, an actor or even a family member but in reality suspicions abound.

Strictly speaking, suspicion is defined as a feeling that someone is possibly guilty of a crime or of doing something wrong, a feeling that something bad is likely or true or a feeling of doubt without proof or on slight evidence.

In essence, suspicion is distrust; a distrust that breaks down relationships, families, beliefs and all too often emotional, mental and spiritual stability.

Suspicions are seldom founded, often dis-proven and in many cases become the cause of serious crimes and physical harm or even death.

Suspicion is a close cousin to greed and jealousy of which an argument can be made as to which emotion or action leads to the other. In other words Suspicion often leads to jealousy or greed and similarly greed and jealousy many times results in a suspicious mind.

One of the greatest examples of suspicion and all its fundamental intricacies is the Alfred Hitchcock 1941 romantic psychological thriller Suspicion  directed by Alfred Hitchcock, starring Cary Grant and Joan Fontaine.220px-Suspicion_film_poster

In the film, a shy spinster runs off with a playboy (Cary Grant), who turns out to be penniless, a gambler, and an overall dishonest man in the extreme. The character played by Joan Fontaine comes to suspect that he is also a murderer, and that he is attempting to kill her; as such, the perfect example of the “suspicious mind”.

In today’s social media and instant information age, a suspicious mind would seem to be far from the norm but unfortunately it is seemingly more apparent than ever.

Over the next four weeks I will discuss the relationship between suspicion, paranoia, doubt and secrecy and how to cope with every aspect of the conspiratorial mindset.

I will discuss the inter-relationships of each as well their unique differences.

It is important to remember that not all suspicion is bad. Suspicion can be used for good as well as bad.

Suspicion has often stopped crime, war and even prevented illnesses and catastrophes and is a mainstay in almost every sport. What a sports team suspects the other team will do offensively can often win the game.

As Elvis Presley told us in his 1962 hit “Suspicion”:

Every time you kiss me, I’m still not certain that you love me
Every time you hold me, I’m still not certain that you care
Though you keep on saying you really, really, really love me
Do you speak the same words to someone else when I’m not there

Suspicion torments my heart
Suspicion keeps us apart
Suspicion why torture me?

Suspicion is the ultimate temptress that if allowed, will send most people to a nervous breakdown, daily prescription medication and lifelong therapy.

In Part II I will discuss suspicion, paranoia, doubt and secrecy and the general conspiratorial mindset; their differences and their relationships.

© 2015 The Outlaw Observer and Opinion

By Popular Demand

I have been very excited by so many readers of this blog as well as FaceBook, Twitter and Google plus as well as private email who have had positive comments about this series which I preached back in the 1980’s and later revised in the mid 1990’s.

There have been two complaints however, which I would like to address and hopefully have begun to solve.

The first is that I have not finished posting the final two articles in the series on “Procrastination” and “Temptation” and many have asked  if and when I was going to post the articles.

The answer to this question is YES, the final two articles will be posted. Along with the holidays and taking on  new writing responsibilities (for one, the new Brownsville, Texas Political writer/reporter for The Examiner.com), I have simply gotten behind with post.

The final two articles should be posted by the end of the week of January 20th, 2012 and if you are a subscriber or follow me on FaceBook, Twitter, or Google plus you will be automatically notified.

The second complaint was that the three previous articles on Anxiety/Fear, Anger and Jealousy had become difficult to find for reference due to my utilization of WordPress during the holidays as a distribution point for my Examiner.com articles.

I believe I have now solved that problem by dedicating an entire page entitled, “The Five Fires of Life”  with it’s very own tab next to the “About Dr Lee Outlaw” tab. Just click the tab or you can sample the first three by clicking the  link or photo above. The entire series will be duplicated in the order they are posted as well as the original post.

Again, I am delighted that this blog has become the ministry site I had prayed it would become in offering genuine, professional yet Christian answers to many of the struggles and difficulties we all face in life.

Many thanks to all of you who read, click the star ratings, LIKE and other social network buttons and a special thanks to those who comment and send emails.

By the way to those of you who have suggested I write a series on the Seven Deadly Sins, it is already in the works and it too will have a special page.

Thank you for reading.

©Copyright 2012 Dr. Lee W. Outlaw III

Jealousy: A Survival Guide

The second of  five articles on “The Five Fires of Life”

Anger-Jealousy-Fear-Procrastination-Temptation

In the second of the series on the Five Fires of Life, we look at one of the most serious of life’s “sunburn sensitive” issues, jealousy; a.k.a. “the green eyed monster”.

Although normally associated with love and romance between men and women, jealousy expands far beyond romance.

Loosely defined, jealousy is resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.

Jealousy can also be mental and emotional uneasiness from suspicion or the fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness,etc. as in love, romance or aims.

The difficulty with jealousy is that it can set off a host of other “sunburn sensitive”  (i.e. so sensitive you can’t even touch it) areas of life such as anger and temptation in general.

As a result, it is an absolute for sound spiritual, emotional, mental and physical well being to learn how to recognize when jealousy occurs and then to avoid and even eliminate it completely from our lives.

This is one are where Christian and secular/traditional psychology disagree. Mainstream psychology says in general that everyone gets jealous to an extent; there is no way to avoid it, you cannot eliminate and at best, you can only hope to control it.

Christian psychology agrees that everyone gets jealous on occasion, however, there is a Biblical basis for avoiding and even eliminating jealousy if we follow God’s word.

In order to overcome jealousy, it’s essential  to understand that biblical basis on how jealousy occurs and how to avoid or eliminate it from our lives.

Cain kills Abel out of JEALOUSY

One of the  greatest overall depictions of jealousy in the Bible actually occurs not between lovers but between two family members; the story of the the two brothers Cain and Abel.

From this story in Genesis we find a basic understanding of jealousy.

There are five Biblical Guidelines for understanding, avoiding and eliminating JEALOUSY.

Jealousy occurs when:

  1. There is DISAPPOINTMENT (Genesis 4:5)

            God was disappointed in Cain and Cain was disappointed in

            God’s displeasure.

            Disappointment only occurs when man keeps his eyes on man and material

            gain.

      2.   An UN-GODLY ATTITUDE is present  (Genesis 4:3; 5-7)

            An attitude not conducive to God or the things of God must be eliminated.

            Cain did things his way and not God’s way.

      3.   Man fails to see God as who and what GOD really is (Genesis 4:3; 10-14)

            God is omnipotent, omni-scient and omnipresent.

            Man MUST be totally dependent on God; to do otherwise diminishes the power and

            effectiveness of God.

            Cain thought he could fool God and lie to God. Man can do neither.

      4.   Man fails to see Himself as who and what He really is. (Genesis 4:5-7)

            Man is nothing more than DUST and man will return to dust.

            Somehow Cain failed to see the power of God and the limitation of himself as a man

            resulting in God banishing him from the garden of Eden.

      5.   Man is UNFAITHFUL to God (Genesis 4:3;4-6)

            Man disobeys God directly, gives to God with the WRONG attitude and then tries to

            avoid and lie to God.

            Cain did and we so often do this today. We disobey God directly and then try to make

            amends through penitence rather than repentance. Doing rather than actually

            turning from and changing completely.

Jealousy The Green Eyed Monster

So the bottom line is, if we constantly look to, completely obey and depend solely on God, we will be less app to resent others or be mentally and emotionally uneasy from suspicion or the fear of rivalry. We will more easily recognize and then avoid or even eliminate the old “green eyed monster” of jealousy from our lives and have one less “sunburn sensitive” area of life to be concerned about.

The apostle Paul instructed his young protege Timothy in this matter by saying, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” 2Timothy 1:7.

©copyright 2011  Lee Outlaw III, PhD