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NO Profanity Please

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Say I’m a prude if you choose but there is nothing more unpleasant and distasteful within social media today, than people using unnecessary profanity within their online post to make a point.

What amazes me most is that people who wouldn’t dare utter a “damn” or “hell” in public seem to have no problem utilizing the often known “Favorite Five” words of profanity without hesitation and cursing on-line like the proverbial sailor (no offense or disrespect to our men and women of the Navy; many of which I know seldom use profanity.)
Even more alarming is the use of the “F” word; used so much today, that it’s often referred to as the “F – Bomb”.  It seems some people can’t speak or write without using it. Especially upsetting is the ease and frequency of it’s use by women and children.
Ok, it’s true on this point I’m extremely unapologetically conservative.
Women might be equal to men and share the right to freedom of  speech but “SHAME on you”!  Stop with the proverbial “potty mouth” and be a lady. By the way, we need more women becoming ladies again.
As to our children today, they simply need their mouths washed out with the soap that Man paying a swear jarfloats (completely harmless- can’t say the name because the company doesn’t advocate the practice) every single time they use a vulgar disgusting word. If we returned to that practice, we’d have most kids speaking correctly, decently and without profanity.
Call this practice abuse if you like but  my late mother, father and both grandmothers used that practice on me and it worked. By the way, at age 65, I don’t have any physical, social or psychological problems resulting from those experiences.  In Psychology we simply call it “Behavioral modification” and those that know me know I don’t curse. I find no need for it and find the whole thing disgusting.
Even in my time working in the auto body industry  while working my way through college and grad school, the body men, painters and techs were horrible with their use of profanity because of the potential for anger and frustration from the hard and often dangerous work we did but I simply chose not to curse or use profanity.
That’s not to say I’m a saint, I am not. I am a sinner saved by grace and yes, I have thought in profane words on rare occasions. Even in anger however,  I usually refer mentally to other descriptive words; words that actually have meaning, descriptive value and purpose.
The truth is, most people who use profanity actually have no idea what they’re saying. They’re simply repeating  words they’ve heard others say since childhood and because profanity is basically simple one or two syllable words, they became easy to learn and pronounce. If parents or grand parents didn’t squelch such use through stern reprimand or behavioral modification, the words were assimilated into their everyday vocabulary.
Most people only think they know what the curse words they use mean; in reality the meaning is not at all what they have been led to understand. The etymology (origin and history)  of the word is actually surprising to most people.
The bottom line is there is simply NO need for the “gutter style language” so often prevalent in today’s society.
If you’re a frequent user of profanity, ask yourself WHY ? Is your vocabulary so limited that any words containing more than 4 or 5 letters with the occasional adding of “ing”  are beyond your comprehension or ability to pronounce?
If that’s the case, start reading a Dictionary or Thesaurus  and develop a QUALITY vocabulary. Then, you can be stern, firm or “pithy” in your postings without the use of profanity. Vulgarity is never necessary and should not be tolerated by any of us; especially in on-line social media.  It is unbecoming, disrespectful and demonstrates a lack of character and morality; both which are sorely needed in social media.
I realize all of this is very Non-Politically Correct these days especially with regard to millennials and  those on the Progressive Left; so be it.  As a result, let me dig in a little deeper  in being Non PC by sharing a true story of one of the South’s favorite sons, General Robert E. Lee.
As the Civil War was winding down, Confederate General Lee was meeting with some of his key officers discussing serious strategy. The language was very hostile, frustrating and “colorful” (profane & vulgar) to say the least. In the midst of this very important and strategic meeting, history records that General Lee turned around and began to walk away. A Colonel called out to him and said, “What’s wrong General Lee, there are no women or children here?” General Lee turned around and responded, “No sir, there are no women or children here but there is a Christian Gentleman”; the general turned around again and walked away.
God’s Word reminds us, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone”. Colossians 4:6
There simply isn’t any reason ever for profanity.
May God both guide and guard your speech.
© 2017 Lee W. Outlaw III, PhD
As a side NOTE, I will no longer tolerate rude, crude and distasteful language on any of my social media sites from ANYONE.

Yes Lee, there are crazy people

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In light of the Christmas season and our recent Presidential Election, it seemed somewhat appropriate to examine in a slightly satirical way an often protected and politically correct aspect of the mental health care field known as “psycho-babble”.

So in the spirit of the New York Sun response to eight year old Virginia O’Hanlon’s question as to the existence of Santa Claus, in 1897 entitled, “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” this article is a reflection on the mental and emotional state of many people today and their inability to deal with life and react to difficulties and disappointments.

Following the recent United States Presidential Election with the surprise results of a Donald Trump victory and the accompanied whining, whaling and protesting from the losing liberal left, a Psychiatrist colleague of mine from Florida (now retired and living in Costa Rica) chatted online with me about his thoughts on the matter. He stated his view of the general mental and emotional state of people in America today. In our discussion, this MD, PhD Psychiatrist friend unexpectedly says to me, “You know Lee, some people are just CRAZY”. He went on to say, “And those that aren’t crazy are just MEAN and there isn’t enough psycho-therapy, anger management, Xanax, Prozac or even Thioridazine in the world that’s going to help”.

Now 75 years old, my friend and colleague admitted he was sitting on the beach of his beach house sipping on his fourth Corona of the afternoon but he continued to reiterate that after forty years in the mental health field he was fed up with all the “excuses” and “psycho-babble” of psychology and psychiatry. He just kept saying, these whiners and protestors were just crazy and mean; this mind you from a board certified Psychiatrist.

Although somewhat surprised by my friend’s very stern conclusions, most of us as colleagues know him well for his candid remarks.  Those of us in the mental healthcare field will usually be quick to tell you  we don’t use terms like “stupid”, “idiot”, “ignoramus”, “moron”, “retard” and definitely not “crazy”. We were taught the correct mental illness designations and as such over the years we’ve been told it is “insensitive”, “inappropriate” and simply wrong to use such terms; in fact we have been taught it is not “politically correct”.

To some degree, it has been much like one of those “big secrets” we hold on to and hide from our young or don’t want people to know about ; you know, like the “tooth fairy”, “Easter Bunny” or even “Santa Clause”.   There seems to be evidence or at least the inference that these mythical entities exist but most people don’t really believe it.  

Freud told us there is no such thing as normal, only what’s normal for you.  The  result over time has been the development  within the world of mental health and psychotherapy that there are no “crazy people”; there are only individuals which are mildly neurotic with any number of associated phobias or phobia of the day or neurological or psychotic conditions such as delusional (or other variations)  of schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder (or syndrome) OCD, OCS, HDD, HDAD, etc.

The result is the so called “millennial snowflakes” which simply can’t accept reality, the consequences of their actions or the disappointments and sometime failures of life; they believe life should be fair and when it comes to wealth everybody should share. The American people watched almost with amazement as thousands of these individuals suffered an entire emotional and mental breakdown live on Television and streaming media following Hillary Clinton’s loss.

As my friend and I concluded our on line chat, he went on to blame the psychobabble of mental health care for the state of these individuals and their inability to cope.

He sees this problem as very serious for the future of our country and has a suggestion to solving this problem for our President elect. He recommends that all colleges and universities which receive any Federal financial assistance or research funding be mandated to teach “hands on” courses on “How to handle life and failure”; not just class room instruction but courses required for all students regardless of major or minor which puts them in the non-academic real world, getting their hands dirty and being exposed to both success and failure.  He pointed out that many Christian and private institutions already have similar required courses and turn out some of the finest and most stable graduates in the world.

This very learned counselor went on to say that much of the problem (as he sees it) is and has been over the past three decades the teaching by colleges and universities of too many Positive Mental Attitude and Eastern philosophy courses which he calls a “cancer on the reality of life”.

He closed by saying, “Yes Lee, let’s be honest, we can call it whatever you like but the reality is, there are crazy people”.

Thank you Dr. G.K.

© 2016 Dr. Lee W. Outlaw III

There is no time like the present

There is no time like the present

by

Dr. Lee Outlaw

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Christians must speak out

In light of the upcoming election and recent events pertaining to it, I thought an update and reposting of this article was both in order and appropriate.

Within the past five years since this article was written, there appears to have become a near withdrawal from reality by many within the Christian church.

Although many Christians today remain concerned that there’s not enough attention being paid to the negative going on throughout the world, there has also developed an almost escapism attitude by others. Many so called Christian churches have become nothing more than repositories of universal truth, Eastern mysticism and metaphysical thought.

Pastors and preachers of many mega churches have become more “New Age Free Thinkers” than proclaimers of the good news of Jesus Christ.

One well known pastor of one these churches recently Tweeted, “If you cannot be positive, then at least be quiet”; a kind of new age version of the old adage, “If you can’t say something good, then don’t say anything at all”.

The problem is, if what you know is considered negative by some or even the majority and you fail to say something or acknowledge such a negative reality, it might actually hurt you or someone else.

There have been decades of emphasis away from discerning truth and reality among Christian people; it’s been more of a “let’s just get along” approach to life. According to many believers, this has separated fact from fiction with more emphasis on what could be rather than what is.

Again, if there is a failure to acknowledge a negative situation, it can destroy both growth and progress. Many people, including an increasing number of Christians are refusing to discuss anything which they consider negative while withdrawing from the real world all around them.

An important point to remember here is that refusing to talk about the negative does not remove a negative situation and denying the negative does not eliminate it’s reality.

It’s quite amazing that the “Tell it Like it is” Christian youth of the 60’s and 70’s have grown up with such a complacent, compromising, politically correct mentality that has put the Christian church in a sad state of decline in this country.

The country’s difficult financial situation hasn’t helped in the past several decades either. Church memberships are rapidly declining leading to reduced giving. At the same time there has been increased overhead in church operational expenses for things like utilities, office expense and even higher salaries for full-time pastors and clergy. As a result, the church is often seen by many as living in a world of fantasy rather than fact.

Some churches will not even discuss finances with their congregations simply for fear they will be interpreted as being “negative”.

As each week goes by and everyone puts on the proverbial “Happy Face”, they rarely discuss the real problems being faced by everyone in the country for fear of the “negative” label.

Churches simply don’t want to get involved politically either; they fear someone is going to call them on the carpet for doing so. Individual Christians might involve themselves in “The Tea Party” or a similar political movement, but if they’re at church, they’ll talk in code and say things like, “Do you TP?”, If you don’t know what that means, you might consider the person is either a little off or just getting way too personal about personal hygiene.

The point is, Christians must stop being so laid back and speak up. Just because we who call ourselves Christian speak out about a topic does not mean we are either negative or against everything. We demonstrate love, care and concern for people better than any group in the world.

Christians give the most help to people the fastest and stay longer following a catastrophe than any other group. Government groups like FEMA usually show up late and leave quickly. It is the Christian church that builds and maintains most of the hospitals and universities in America and much of the world.

As a result of all that the Christian church does and has done, it is time for Christians to speak out openly. We need to “Tell it like it is”. When something is negative, politically incorrect, wrong, something is bad or something is evil, we need to stop side stepping, stop avoiding the controversy and simply say it.

Jesus said, “All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one”. Matthew 5:37 In other words, don’t try to put a positive “spin” on something that is actually negative; to do so is to lie.

There is no time like the present to take a stand for Christ.

© 2016 Dr. Lee Outlaw

Martyr syndrome by any other name

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Martyr syndrome by any other name

by

Dr. Lee Outlaw

Most of us are aware of the old saying, “Misery loves company”. For many people that saying can often move one step forward turning dependent and becoming, “Misery needs company”.

The idea of course, is that some people focus their entire life on either previous and present problems or difficulties attempting to draw attention to those life experiences. In turn, these individuals seem to enjoy and are even insistent on sharing these experiences anytime, anywhere and with anyone who will listen.

This personality disorder is referred to by many names: Martyr complex, Martyr mom syndrome, Martyr Victim complex, Martyr Personality Disorder, Relationship Martyrdom, Romantic Martyr Syndrome, Hero complex, Heroic Martyr Syndrome and even to some extent, Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissism and Social Anxiety Disorder (or SAD).

Although each varies slightly, regardless of the associated label, they each tend to fit into the general “learned behavior” classification of Martyr (or Martyrdom) syndrome. The important thing to emphasize here is that this is a real and genuine personality disorder and a legitimate mental health issue which should not be taken lightly.

Because this is generally a “learned behavioral problem”, it is important to remember that these individuals are unstable and can be dangerous (extremely dangerous) to both themselves and others.  The very use of the term “martyr” with the associated disorder is indicative as to the limit that these individuals are willing to go in order to emphasize their condition.

Generally speaking, Martyr Syndrome is a condition in which a person uses their suffering, self-sacrifice, and role as a victim to manipulate others into psychologically rewarding them for their ongoing misery. In other words, these individuals actually enjoy their suffering and unconsciously see it as a means of self-gratification and (to some degree) personal accomplishment.

Just like full blown narcissism, these individuals usually hide their personal belief that they are superior to everyone else and entitled to the very things for which they claim no desire. They actually hide deep emotions of envy and the desire to exploit their situation. They are controlling and manipulative without empathy, guilt or remorse.

Many of these individuals also tend to laugh at everything, leading many psycho-therapist to believe that some with Martyr Personality Disorder might also have a degree of  connected Hebephrenic Schizophrenia due to the fact many of these individuals appear at times as almost emotionless. Their drive and determination are lost and goals abandoned, so that the patient’s behavior becomes characteristically aimless and empty of purpose. Many patients will often refer to even serious situations with, “Let’s just wait and see what happens”.  There is also a superficial preoccupation with religion, philosophy, and other abstract themes which may add to the patient’s difficulty in keeping with an  obvious train of thought.

Unfortunately, these individuals also self-label themselves with fad, neo-religious or pseudo-philosophical identities such as minimalist, naturalist, Universalist, poly-ist (contemporary term for non-religious modified polygamy) and even veganism (as opposed to vegetarianism). Most with Martyr Syndrome usually know very little about such lifestyles or philosophies but associate with them simply because (for the moment) “it sounds good”; some would even initially say, “It’s the right fit”. As a result, they will often force themselves and their families into an associated lifestyle which they then emphasize and project to those around them; whether intended or not.  

The two current philosophies being mentioned by many Martyr Syndrome/Martyr Personality Disorder patients is minimalism and poly-ism; both are extremely dangerous philosophies and lifestyles because they’re pseudo-religious with roots in religion. There is also much about these philosophies on both cable television and the internet which simply adds fuel to a Martyr Syndrome fire.

As an example, some individuals who identify with “minimalism” will get rid of everything they own; just give it away and not even try to sell it. Their philosophy usually goes like this, “I don’t like things or I don’t need things I don’t use”. The problem is these “minimalist” (as they call themselves) are selective. They might give up chairs, beds, use only minimal clothing, no TVs, cars, have only one cup, bowl or plate for each house hold member to give an outward appearance of “being without or doing without”. But they also have high speed internet, thousand dollar phones, tablets and selective appliances of conveniences. In other words unconsciously they want to talk the talk but not walk the walk; a hypocrite by any other name. This usually ends badly.

Over the years as a counselor/psychologist, I have seen marriages end, children run away at an early age, unwanted pregnancies occur, the elderly, children and disabled abused or abandoned, criminal acts committed, deaths (that didn’t have to occur), suicide and homelessness result as a direct result of the minimalist lifestyle.

Still others will become fascinated with a different sexual lifestyle such as “poly-ism” which is a contemporary non-religious modified form of polygamy (this includes almost every sexually deviated relationship imaginable involving multiple partners); usually this lifestyle is chosen because of previous bad relationships and/or failed marriages. Like “minimalism”, this usually ends badly and often leads to another bad and ended relationship. Almost with certainty, someone usually ends up hurt and out on the street.

Martyr syndrome patients unconsciously want to be hurt and in pain. As such they recognize the potential for pain and suffering in both these lifestyles resulting in a desire to experience them both; it’s like another reference in their mental resume of pain and suffering.

What is important to remember here is the “martyr” aspect of the syndrome.  The person uses their suffering, self-sacrifice, and role as a victim to manipulate others into psychologically rewarding them with outward expressions of appreciation or sympathy for their ongoing misery. It’s because of the martyr syndrome, that a person’s actual (unconscious) enjoyment of their misery; their pain and their suffering that they desire to experience more of the same in these unusual lifestyles.

It’s also important to point out that these individuals might seem normal in every aspect of the word. They might occasionally desire things of convenience or comfort, express a need to have physical pain stopped or even to emphasize their enjoyment of the lifestyle or relationship they have chosen. But as soon the opportunity arises and the unconscious desire kicks in to be the martyr, everything is given or thrown away, philosophical talk and reasoning begins about mentally removing pain, changing to a diet that can eliminate an illness and any positive relationship is suddenly considered wrong.

The result is the reversion to full blown “Martyr Syndrome or Martyr Personality Disorder”.

It should be noted that the reversion factor in most patients comes without warning like most syndromes and personality disorders. A person diagnosed with Martyr Personality Disorder can be undergoing therapy, be making significant progress and then suddenly and out of the blue revert back to their former condition.

The great irony of Martyr Syndrome and Martyr Personality Disorder  is the patients don’t know they’re sick and when a person doesn’t realize they have an illness it is difficult to treat the illness. Part of the reason for this is that like most mental health problems, there are denial and avoidance issues.

When someone attempts to confront a person with Martyr Syndrome about their condition, they deny they have a problem. They subsequently avoid any further discussion about it or their related lifestyle.

Of special importance to those in the healthcare and home healthcare industry is the fact that many of them suffer from Martyr syndrome. Very often these individuals which give so much of themselves  get so caught up in the daily process of giving and witnessing the pain of others that they develop a Martyr Personality Disorder.

Groups which teach Eastern mysticism, unified or universal philosophical thought (or truth), self-healing, miracles, minimalism and advanced or “super-spiritualism” usually attract those with Martyr Syndrome and Martyr Personality Disorder. Such teaching is almost like a magnet to these seriously troubled people. It is unfortunate that many of these groups attempt to “counsel” these people increasing their pain, hardship and the inability to face reality.

Sadly, many of these people search their entire lives trying to “find their way”, seeking approval and the proverbial truth while just trying to “fit in”. Because most never find the answers they want (or need) their unconscious mind takes over and many end up in cults or dictatorial communes just to survive; still others end up as part of the tens of thousands of homeless which walk America’s streets every day.

Again, it is important to realize that Martyr Syndrome is a very serious Mental Illness which requires real, genuine professional Psycho-therapy. All the Eastern mysticism and the like will not solve the problem.

If you know someone or personally identify with “Martyr Syndrome or Martyr Personality Disorder”, please seek out a professional mental healthcare counselor immediately. Remember, your pain and suffering is real but does not have to continue.

I will have more to say on this subject in future articles.

 © 2016 Dr. Lee Outlaw

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Suspicious Mind Part IV,The Conspiratorial Mindset

The Suspicious Mind Part IV

The Conspiratorial Mindset

by

Dr. Lee Outlaw

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In the development of the Suspicious Mind there is probably nothing which can trigger its permanency within the identity and character of a person faster than the fascination with conspiracies.

It is one thing to become personally paranoid about something or someone over a period of time but it is entirely another matter when we allow ourselves to be dragged into the dangerous world of conspiracy, otherwise known as group paranoia.

There is an old saying among those within professional mental healthcare, “Like begets like”; which is why many of us as psychologist favor group therapy for some of our patients. Patients of particular phobias, syndromes, disorders, etc.  are usually similar and actually learn from each other and recover faster when brought together to discuss their situations.

Unfortunately, when it comes to suspicion, the same holds true; those who tend toward suspicion are often drawn towards others of the same mind resulting in many of these people becoming entangled in wild conspiracies, ideologies and even cults.

As previously stated, the mind can become a dangerous thing. If a mind is predisposed towards suspicion and then becomes involved in the wild group paranoia of conspiracy, the imagination runs wild like a fire out of control. This usually leads to near obsessive tendencies including OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) or OCS (Obsessive Compulsive Syndrome); OCS being the lesser of the two and only a temporary condition. OCD and OCS are mild compared to what happens to many; some individuals become so caught up and entangled in a single conspiracy that it leads to successive theories and groups.

Some conspiracy theorist get so involved in their conspiracy that many stop working, eating, sleeping and become fixated on nothing else, often leading to various forms of Schizophrenia requiring powerful anti-psychotic medications or even hospitalization.

The sad reality to the conspiratorial mindset is that by the time a person becomes involved in a conspiracy, it is difficult to convince them otherwise; the result is a permanent suspicious mind which leads, to marriage and relationship difficulties, poor job performance and even financial ruin.

It should be noted that curiosity is healthy and the occasional curiosity of a conspiracy should not be confused with becoming obsessed; law enforcement and even history remind us that real conspiracies do and have existed.

When it comes to conspiracy theories, it’s best to apply the same principle as a “get rich” plan, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably isn’t”. With a conspiracy theory, “If it seems too fantastic to possibly be true, it’s probably not (true)”. conspiracy

If you become simply curious or interested in a conspiracy, don’t dwell on the subject. Put it down and walk away for a while, it will be there later and when you return to it, you might see the conspiracy in a whole new light; what you initially thought was a conspiracy might no longer exist.

Remember that suspicion is not all bad. Suspicion aids research of diseases, aids law enforcement in fighting crime and even plays an important role in parenting; if you suspect your child is having a problem (behavioral, academic or social) you need to address the subject.

A Suspicious Mind however, if left to its own desires can become the very nuclear explosion of all human characteristics destroying everyone and everything in its wake.

Be careful not to let suspicion overtake your mind and destroy your life.

 

 

 

© 2016 Dr. Lee Outlaw