Anger: A Survival Guide

The next five articles will deal with “The Five Fires of Life”

Anger-Jealousy-Fear-Procrastination-Temptation

Like any disaster of life, the ability to survive is closely associated with the knowledge of both how and when the event occurs. Make no mistake; Anger can become a major disaster of life.

The knowledge of how, gives one the advantage of possible prevention of the event and the knowledge of when, allows time to prepare or even avoid the disaster.

The following information can be extremely beneficial in learning how and when ANGER occurs increasing greatly your chances for survival or even avoidance of anger.

The basic Biblical basis on how to deal with anger is found in Ephesians 4:26 where the Apostle Paul tells us “In your anger do not sin”.

A Biblical Imperative

Like jealousy (which we will cover in our next article) ANGER in and of itself is NOT Sin. In Fact, Jealousy will lead to Anger and most jealous people become angry.

There are Biblical accounts of God getting ANGRY as well as Jesus (as a man) becoming angry; God cannot sin and Jesus although completely man was completely God and He did NOT sin although He did get angry.  Again, ANGER is not sin. (Mtt.21:11 -13)

God however, can control ANGER. He knows when and how to release it.

Anger is a Godly emotion and as such, human beings need God’s guidance to help them control their anger.

ANGER always results in human judgment and can lead people to sin (and often does); even for believers.

How and When ANGER Occurs:

        1. When there has been human conflict. (Matthew 5:23-24)

            Anger is easily triggered when two people are in disagreement without any resolution.

        2. When matters of conflict are not settled quickly. (Matthew 5:25)

             Anger sets in and rash decisions and judgments are made.

        3. When there is separation from God. (Eph. 4:18)

            A deliberate separation from God and His people can change one’s attitude leading to anger.

        4. When hearts are “hardened”. (Eph.4:18) (A “mean spirit”; lack of compassion)

            Continual separation from God will reduce or eliminate one’s Godly passion and lead to a “mean

            Spirit” and the ultimate anger.

        5. When sensuality rules. (Eph. 4:19)

             Once the heart is hardened, sensitivity to God’s will is lost; anger sets in and overtakes the actual

             will of God. What we often assume is the will of God is not.  We are blinded by our own anger.

             Generally speaking, anger can cause Christians to think for years they have been following God’s

             will when in reality they have only been following the status quo.

Below is a 5-fold approach on:

How to Prevent and Control Anger and Avoid Sin

1. Constantly renew your attitude. (Eph.4:22-24) Don’t think you have all of the answers all of the time. You don’t.

2. Seek the truth and BE truthful. (Eph. 4:25) Nothing seems to fuel anger like untruth. Be truthful with yourself as well.  If you surround yourself with angry people, the anger will ultimately infect you. You might ultimately have to eliminate friends or even family from your life.  You might even have to change jobs or a career. God’s will is that you be happy and live life to the fullest. You cannot live happily or at peace with anger all around you.

3. Don‘t allow anger to “brew”.  Give it a time limit. NEVER continue your anger overnight.

   (Eph. 4:26-27) Anger is indeed like wine, the longer it brews, the more potent it gets.

4. Don‘t enter into senseless or degrading conversation (Eph. 4:29) Anger often results from what first appears as “innocent conversation”. Be careful who you talk, listen to and believe. Avoid like the plague those who would give you advice so freely and think they are looking out for your own good.  Chances are they are living vicariously through your life.

5. Settle ALL conflictual matters quickly! (Mtt.5:24—25) Don’t let conflict persist and those, whom you know who breed on conflict must be confronted, asked to cease their conflictual nature and attitude and if they don’t, cut them out of your life as fast as you would turn a light switch off.

We should remember that anger can actually be a good thing.  It motivates us many times to stand up for important aspects of our life such as family, friends, God and country.

Jesus tells us in Matthews’s gospel that ANGER is OK in general when:

1. People are taken advantage of in the name of God. (Mtt.21:11-13) and

2. Necessary expectations are not met. (Mtt.21:18-19)

The bottom line is seek God and He will guide your emotions and move you away from the danger of yourself.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says it best, “⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths.”

Are internet friends genuine?

Nothing separates genuine friendships Graphic: Susan Joyner-Stumpf

Friends or not?

To be sure, the topic of friendship has been discussed with some detail in recent years due to the popularity of social networking.

Recently on one of the more prominent social networking sights, the topic seems to have gained new life and as such, it seems appropriate to once again visit this entire topic.

One important fact of life as any counselor, sociologist or psychologist will tell you is, people have a need for personal interaction and friendships.

The need for friendship starts almost from birth with children interacting with others in nurseries and day care and especially when they start school for the first time or begin a new school year. When one child goes up to the other for the first time and begins exchanging names, comparing clothes and even facial features the attempt at friendship begins.

Somewhere along the way however, people can lose sight of their need for friends and friendship, they become isolated and draw into themselves.

The need for human interaction is as necessary as breathing. We need one another.

Large corporations and Churches have learned long ago that principle well enough to introduce the concept of “small groups”. These are groups small enough that allow and attract people specifically for making better human interaction.

Businesses do this for think tank purposes and most evangelical churches in America now have some form of ‘small group’ concept in their church ministry for better personal interaction.

The Bible refers to friends in abundance. King Solomon tells us in the book of Proverbs that a ‘friend loves at all times’, this is probably the most popular verse on friendship in the Bible. Real friendships are able to look past their disagreements and focus on the positives of life.

There is also other references to friendship in the Bible such as David and Jonathon, Ruth and Boaz, Elijah and Eli, Priscilla, Aquila and the Apostle Paul and many more.

And of course, the greatest friend of all is Jesus. The Bible reminds us that Jesus called us His friends.

One reason social networking has become so popular is because people want friends. Christians have even gotten ‘Christian specific’ with our own social networking alternatives of which their are now several because we all need friends.

The whole concept of “internet friends” or “social networking friends” being real and genuine has become a matter of discussion and controversy within the psychology and counseling community particular.

In question is, “Can someone you might have never seen (other than a profile photo) become a real and genuine friend?” Most mental health professionals trend towards the negative on this and say unless you’ve met the person prior to social networking they probably are no more than an acquaintance at best and possibly a stalker or inquisitive hacker waiting to strike and take advantage.

There is an old saying which pastors and mental health workers have known for years, “FAMILIARITY breeds both conflict and contempt.” With regard to “Social networking friends”, be very careful in how much you share with each other about each other; especially in public forums. Many people have been destroyed on social networks with the best of intentions. So as Jesus says, “Love one another…” but indeed, be cautious because evil is always lurking.

That said, many of us remember making “pen pals” in school. We communicated via traditional postal mail writing back and forth with other “unknown” people from usually another country and we might not even have a picture. We felt like we had genuine friends even though we might never actually meet them.

For many, having a “pen pal” was their first real inter-personal relationship and it was a good thing as is “social networking” of today.

Psychology teaches us that human inter-action or ‘friendship’ is important and recent articles in psychology periodicals emphasize such.

One of the easiest ways to make real flesh and blood friends is to step back from the computer. Go to a gym, get involved with a softball team or bowling league or attend a local church where you can probably do it all . Get involved in one of the many small groups or attend local church services or social events.

Most friendships are good including those that social networking has brought about. Most of us can be thankful of all of the new friends from across the globe we have been able to make because of computers and social networking.

Personally, this writer has met a few people through “social networking” who have and will remain genuine and lifelong friends. These are some of the finest people ever encountered and definitely genuine friends.

But nothing is better than the firm grasp of a hand, a warm hug or even a ‘butterfly’ kiss on the cheek and hearing those wonderful words, ‘I’m so glad you are my friend’. This writer looks with anticipation when this is an experience shared with several new found “social network friends”.

Disappointment and depression

Have you ever heard someone express their disappointment? Sometimes it is simply, “talk about a disappointment?” or they might be unable to speak about it and just stare off into space or in many cases, the person is so overcome with emotion that they become nearly incoherent due to uncontrollable crying and sobbing.

Disappointment however, is part of life.  We don’t always get what we want and sometimes we don’t even get what we need; at least what we perceive as needing.

The recent down turn of the economy has certainly seen disappointment occur in many people’s lives. Cars repossessed, homes foreclosed on and jobs which were thought to be careers lost.

Disappointment occurs when what we had desired, sought to obtain, set a goal to achieve or even had a need for does not come to fruition or we have accomplished something only to have it taken away. As a result we feel empty, unfulfilled, dissatisfied and even numb.

Disappointment comes in many forms such as losing a sports event, failing a test, rejection of a lover, divorce or death of a loved one.

All of these things disappoint.

The problem with disappointment is that many times people obsess over the disappointment and ultimately depression sets in; the key word being “obsess”. The obsession over the disappointment literally engulfs the individual possessing their body, mind and spirit causing depression to set in.

The depression can either be the simple “blues” or proverbial “down in the dumps” and if not caught in time can lead to and become the more serious “clinical depression” which often requires ongoing therapy and medication.

It should be noted that clinical depression can also have many causes including a medical and neurological connection not associated with that previously mentioned. Disappointment however, can be a trigger mechanism setting off a clinical depression attack sometimes requiring in-patient medical and psychiatric treatment.

Although disappointment can often not be avoided, the way we deal with it or recover from disappointment is important. The Bible has much to say about dealing with disappointment either directly or indirectly. From a biblical perspective there are three basic steps to deal with and recover from disappointment:

1. Focus on faith, grace, character, perseverance and hope (Romans 5:1-5)
2. Accept the disappointment. Don’t treat it as a joke but then move on (Ecclesiastes 7:1-8)
3. Trust completely in the Lord for His healing of the disappointment (Proverbs 3:5-7)

Although the hurt of the disappointment might remain, its duration will certainly be shortened and the road to recovery preventing “simple depression” will be clearer by following these simple biblical truths.

It should be noted that the above mentioned biblical formula is biblical interpretation only and the opinion of this counselor. Although it should help when followed in most situations it is not indented to be a substitute for doctor prescribed medication or ongoing psychiatric/psychological therapy.

Remember that success often occurs in the midst of personal disappointment.

“Truth or consequences, getting too much of a good thing”

For further reading on a related article by this writer, please read “Trust is not just a word” @ HubPages

To say that our country has become extremely security conscious since September 11^th, 2001 is an understatement.

Since this is primarily a Counseling blog, we could very appropriately say our country’s overt security concern has become a country engulfed in paranoia.

After the devastation of 911, increased security was needed for sure. But now even security has security within physical human abilities as well as software and computers.

An IT recently told this writer that all of the increased software and website security has become both ridiculous as well as useless.  He stated that anyone with a bit of program knowledge has the ability to go anywhere and do anything online. In fact when there are multiple safeguards it is actually easier to unmask vulnerabilities.

He went on to say that the truth is, there are actually consequences to “too much” security. Law enforcement seems to agree with regard to physical increase in human security stating that too much security often gets in the way of the investigation making it difficult to tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys.

In general, as the old saying goes, “you can get too much of a good thing”. But in addition to that saying is the fact that often too much of a good thing such as increased security on security becomes a bad thing.

Case and point, most free web sites for the general enthusiast, hobbyist, casual writer, etc. are now almost impossible to link to on any of the social networks due to so much antimalware and antivirus software stacked on top of each other and yet most people today are already running their computer broadband connections through secure and near impenetrable routers or hubs which already need an army of techs to break through. Added to this is the usual free anti-virus and malware provided by their internet provider. In effect, it is just ridiculous and too much.

All of the major anti-virus companies have admitted that there is no longer any way to actually prevent a violation of security on line due to over protection.

Another case in point is the paranoia over background checks.  An average person is absolutely blessed if they pass on the first time around. Even churches have become paranoid, now being told or even made by their hierarchy to force background checks of potential pastors and ministers.

It is time that we as a nation calmed down. Yes be on guard but start to live again. We should set new goals and dream new dreams.

When a nation stops trusting its own people, it isn’t long before the paranoia turns to anarchy and the anarchy to complete destruction.

A 5-fold Plan to avoid or Recover from Anxiety

For readers of Examiner.com, this is a revised and edited article geared not just to suggest but to actually help eliminate and recover from anxiety. Please read the entire article to find the 5-fold plan.

Anxiety can strike anyone at any time.

This is a point reiterated to this pastor/counselor over 20 years of professional psychology and counseling practice and ministry and most recently

Stressed out?

by this writer to several writer and pastor friends.

It seems these friends and colleagues were surprised that this pastor/writer got frustrated and anxious as just as they did. Pastors and church leaders are just human and their friends, family and congregations should remember that fact.

Christians must remember that they are not impervious to the illnesses of life rather physical or mental and we are capable of everything a non-Christian is as well.

For far too long, the Christian community has associated mental illness with evil and sin and yet everyone is vulnerable to both. We should never assume that anxiety or even greater mental health issues or the resulting actions are sin. That is, unless the patient knows of their problem and fails to do something about it , then, the end result becomes sin.

The Bible teaches us that we should “not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

But even the most avid praying, Bible reading, church going and Christian fellowshipping person can be victimized by anxiety, frustration, depression and even severe mental health issues.

The stress of ministry on both ministers and Christian laity alike in the caring for people can be tremendous and it is often carried over into the home, family, marriage, job and even back into the church. These men and women have often visited this pastor/counselor’s study far too many times to describe here seeking counseling.

In fact, on an occasion this pastor/counselor/writer has even used fellow pastors, counselors and Christian Psychologist to consult for my own personal needs. It really helps.

One of the greatest solutions to anxiety is talking to a good listener about what frustrates you and what has you anxious. This is good therapy as long as it doesn’t become whining and a self-pity party. As the old saying goes, “nobody likes a whiner but everybody needs to whine sometime”.

It’s important to make sure that those we confess our problems to are honorable, level-headed and able to understand our need.

The Bible teaches us to “encourage one another and build each other up…”  1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV. So sharing with fellow Christians and members of your church family is a good place to start and the definitive word being start.

An area far too many people including Christians and pastors fall short in is thinking we don’t need to do anything more than just share the problems with friends or family which unfortunately often spreads that frustration and anxiety to the very ones we love.

We should remember that in the next verse of 1 Thessalonians 5 in verse 12, the Apostle Paul tells us to “…to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you.”

There are many theological interpretations here but the bottom line is we are being encouraged to seek out those who can really help us and that know how to listen. In essence, we should never count out using professional help such as a pastor/counselor, therapist, psychologist or even a psychiatrist. If you do chose to talk with your pastor make sure the pastor is trained in counseling and actually offers counseling services.

The bottom line is that anxiety does not have to engulf us or control our lives.

As a pastor-psychologist/counselor, this writer has developed a 5-fold plan to avoid or recover from anxiety:

A 5-fold Plan to avoid or Recover from Anxiety

By Dr. Lee Outlaw

Text: Psalm 27:1-14

The KEY is to R E L A X:

1.  R ely – on the Lord.  (Psalm 27:1a)

2.  E  njoy – the strength and confidence which comes from God.  (Psalm 27:1b & 6b)

3.  L  ive – with Godly confidence in yourself.  (Psalm 27:3-4; 13)

4.  A cknowledge – God by ASKING Him anything; tell Him what is on your mind. (Psalm 27: 4-6; 11)

5.  eXpect – a Miracle.  Wait on the Lord; He will take care of you.  (Psalm 27:14)

We simply need to stop, relax and bring that anxiety to the Lord in prayer and allow our frustrations to be known to those we are certain will listen and genuinely care.

If the anxiety continues and becomes all-consuming, never be afraid to seek out a professional counselor who is trained to find and help end the cause of your anxiety.

Welcome to my Drtruthman WordPress Blog Facelift

New Name = ” Counseling and Opinion Blog”

I wanted to tell everyone on my LinkedIN and Face Book pages that I decided to widen the scope of the Drtruthman Blog.

With doing less Insurance Adjusting these days and more Writing and Counseling, I decided to use this excellent Blog space by WordPress for a greater purpose.

I will continue to write about my involvement and experience in the Insurance Industry on occasion but I will begin moving to a variety of topics including Politics, History, the Paranormal and Counseling.   Counseling will be my primary focus.  There are too many “charlatans” on the internet in this area.  Many who have no certifications and even one very popular so-called counselor who doesn’t  have a college degree or even a back ground in Psychology or counseling. With a PhD in Christian Counseling and masters with an emphasis in psychology and counseling  and many mental health field certifications as well as over 30 years of real counseling, I feel led to help on-line in this area.  The emphasis will be from a firm and sound psychology base with a Christian and Biblical emphasis.

My credentials will be posted and  as well as a short resume to add to the legitimacy of this new improved Drtruthman Blog.  I hope you will enjoy.  More to come.

Lee Outlaw III,,PhD – Pastor-Writer-Counselor-Church Consultant

No more cooperation (via Drtruthman)

As I have stated repeatedly on this blog, I am relatively optimistic, a conservative and strong believer in capitalism. After all, like most of you reading this I am a self employed business man myself. That said it is very disconcerting to see a once prosperous Independent Insurance Adjusting and Appraising Industry being destroyed as it devours its own through greed and extreme under bidding. Because of promises being made by major and mid-size … Read More

via Drtruthman

No more cooperation

As I have stated repeatedly on this blog, I am relatively optimistic, a conservative and strong believer in capitalism. After all, like most of you reading this I am a self employed business man myself.

That said it is very disconcerting to see a once prosperous Independent Insurance Adjusting and Appraising Industry being destroyed as it devours its own through greed and extreme under bidding.

Because of promises being made by major and mid-size Independent Adjusting/Appraisal Companies that just cannot be kept without compromising quality of work and accuracy, customer service has almost become nonexistent.

As anyone knows in this industry, it is either “feast or famine”. The past few years for all too many of us the under bidding and acquiring greed of many of these companies has made performing our duties nearly impossible.

As a result, this adjuster several months back was contacted by an IA who boasts of being one of the largest in the nation which is more hype than reality. Having worked for this company for over two years just four years prior to the recent contact (which I had severed the relationship due to what I felt was becoming increasing unethical), the new contact by them was questionable at best.

The bottom line is due to a slowdown in local work I agreed to accept limited assignments. After only three months the same unethical and trickery style tactics returned along with more than the number of assignments and territory agreed too. As such, we had words and agreed to sever relations.

This is only one of several companies including some carriers which have forgotten about the most important thing…..”COOPERATION”. If the adjusters and appraisers working with the Independent Adjusting/Appraisal Companies are not working as a team with good communication, understanding and thorough information about the claim, owners, insureds and claimants, the best work product which the customer, body shops and contractors expect.

As an example, an examiner for a medium size company so determined to keep the work flow and probably his own job, was determined to remove $145.00 from an estimate which was absolutely necessary to do the job correctly. It was visible damage but he insisted that I change it even though a few days later I received a call from the inside adjuster (who I know well) as to why I had removed it. He was amazed. It’s the old idea of “cutting off one’s nose to spite your face”.

There are companies which are under bidding so low, that the “Mom & Pop” companies are no longer able to compete. Individual Independent Adjusters and Appraisers have been so under bid that most of us are unable to obtain little or any work directly from the Insurance Carriers. This adjuster once had eight separate carriers I could count on one or two claims a month but when the “big boys” step in and offer to do what I was doing for one third to half of what I was charging half of those are gone.

Another problem in many states such as Texas where this adjuster lives and works, is that many companies utilize non-licensed appraisers to do auto inspections. These individuals might be thoroughly familiar with how to write damage estimates and might even have limited customer service skills but they know absolutely nothing about insurance regulations, policies or state law.

As a result out of state IA companies “PUSH” for things which are just not legal, force customers to use their own preferred shops, get agreed prices, take betterment and depreciation and in some cases even cover deductibles. These companies do it all through non-licensed appraisers and simply “play dumb” and if caught claim “plausible deniability”.

Even the mid size companies are facing the same thing. This adjuster has had this very conversation with many CEOs of these mid size companies and some branch manages of a few of our larger well known insurance carriers. They all agree this is an alarming situation.

Capitalism is great. Competition is good and wonderful. But when ethics, quality and even legalities are violated, then it’s time for our industry to take a long hard look at our self.

What I am about to suggest is dangerous but I believe is necessary and the time is right if those of us at the lower end of the Independent “food chain” are to survive.

It is time that we UNITE! It is time that we stand firm, share what we know, speak up about the injustice, lack of timely payment for our work, not receiving what we agreed to be paid for, etc. If we unite, we can make a difference. Let’s not allow the same greed that is corrupting our industry to spread to us individually.

May God bless each independent adjuster/appraiser and grant the wisdom to do the right thing.

Say Goodbye to the Field Adjuster/Appraiser

I am OPTIMISTIC….REALLY!  I am also a conservative and I believe STRONGLY in free enterprise, competition and everybody making as much money as we all can possibly make.   I am sure there were probably Black Smiths, Wagon Wheel builders and steam engine mechanics who were saying the same thing as they were being phased out during [...]

Time for Something Old to Become New

It occurred to be coming back from an auto damage assignment the other day that it was time for a REAL change in the auto damage repair and refinishing industry. I passed many multi-million dollar high-tech independent and dealership body shops all which do a great quality repair and I thought how great it was that the industry had come so far. But then it occurred to me that there was something definitely missing. Something that I think could make somebody or many somebodies a lot of money, change the way the insurance companies do business and give consumers a third alternative that really doesn’t exist today.

But as I debated on writing this I realize that there will be hundreds of my former body shop and auto damage adjuster/appraiser colleagues who will either think I am nuts or after taking a moment to really think about it, will  want to kill me for even suggesting the idea because of the money they might lose.   Yes, I said lose. That is unless they take on the idea.

You see, I grew up in the era of the “production paint and body industry” during the 50;s, 60′s and 70′s.  Yes the industry that made famous by the likes of Earl Shibe. Although, Earl would have only wished of having the kind of facilities I worked at. My father who was probably without apology the best painter ever to lift a Binks or DiVillibus spray gun utilizing pressure pot technology, with a an atomization 3 feet wide and a constant PSI of 150 lbs and methods 2 stage painters have no clue about today,  taught me everything I know. By the time I was 15 years old working for the company he managed for over 30 years, I was painting 15 to 20 cars per day! Yes that is correct sir or madam, PER DAY. Contrary to popular belief and urban legend, paint was not mixed with water or cars not sanded or chrome not removed and painted over. It was simply what Henry Ford made famous……..it was a production line or assembly line technology. Moving the product constantly forward in a straight line to completion.

In the 60′s and 70′s the Insurance carriers loved it!  Rarely a supplement, vehicles were not tied up for weeks at a time and rental cars weren’t even an issue. Because everything worked like a well tuned instrument, cars went in on time and came out on time.

The other issue is that the consumer was able to keep his vehicle longer because he could get his older car “refreshed” after it was paid for. After all, when a top of the line complete overall paint job of the same original color could cost less than $100.00, why wouldn’t the consumer want to think twice before becoming indebted just to buy another vehicle?

In the 60′s and 70′s people did think twice and realized they had a third choice. They didn’t have to just trade in the old rattle trap for a new car and they didn’t have to go to the traditional body shop where they would also be financially strapped. They could take only one week’s salary at most and make the OLD car look BETTER. Oh it would never be new again with all the mileage but you could get by for a while and feel good while driving it.

It’s time for something old to become new again. We need to RESURRECT the production paint and body shop. It could help the economy tremendously. I know the President and the likes of the major automotive manufacturers will be unhappy to hear this but the people could use a break. Imagine being able to get your vehicle painted starting for under $100.00 again and you could get it back in 48 to 72 hours body work (for which the consumer would pay extra) included? I believe we would have a winner…….in fact I am certain of it.

Unfortunately like so many trades that have been lost in this country, the production body shop trade has virtually vanished. Yes, Earl Shibe, Maaco, Facto-Bake and Econo are sparingly still around throughout the country but they have been relegated to less production and simply cheaper traditional body shops. They may get three to five cars completed per day after having those very cars tied up in repairs for weeks.

There are problems in attempting to revive this very needed industry, 1) Money, obviously, 2) an enormous amount of space (about the size of an entire automotive dealership….not just their body shop but the entire dealership), 3)EPA regulations and ultimately 4) trained employees. There are very few REAL production painters, tapers, sanders, primers, and body techs left. I laugh when I go into some body shops today and see the painter’s helpers who should be called the painter’s hinderers moving at a snail’s pace or watching a painter paint with runs all over the car and say he’ll fix it when it’s sanded at the other end. What a waste! Time wasted and money lost. It’s time to bring back the real production shop. If anyone is interested out there and for the right fee I’ll show you how to do it.  It can be done. I would Like to see a comeback.